Mike walks in the barbershop for pubic hair that he frequents in years.
Peter The Barber: Hello hello. Welcome, old boy.
Mike: Hello old chap. You look smart today.
Peter: thank you. Love. How would you like to get your hair done today?
Mike: well, I thought I’d perhaps try a different style, you know, given that, you know, there is the thing about the thing on the newspaper lately that has made me quite the center of the thing, hence I’ve been invited to go to all kinds of fancy things nowadays and deliver speeches about the thing.
Peter: I see, I see. Congratulations, you smart fancy arse. I think I’ve just got the right selections in mind for you to begin with.
Mike: you always know me well, you sweet loving silly pumpkin. Show it to me.
Peter: here is the complete list of our latest styles available for your reference. You can see it’s all very neatly organised: you can choose by styling methods, by popularity level, by major trends, popular personas or color patterns. Many of the styles are cross referenced, for example, you can find Donald Trump under popular persona “politician”, then by “politician”, he appears in both “Kinky” and “Californian Sunshine Gold”. You can also find the Queen under “entertainment” and inside which, she appears in both “4D digital perms” and “royal purple”. And of course, you can mix and match like mixing a Thai papaya chicken salad.
Mike: well, what would you recommend? I’d like something both classic and dashing, but not too over the top. Something very different than what I have now but still says I’m who I am, plus you know, I’ve got the thing going on so……
Peter: say no more, my clever baby honey badger. In that case, I’d like to recommend the latest 5D wireless digital blue tooth cold straightening method, a David Beckham trim with a Sherlock Homes twitch to match your sweet young genitalia yet add a bit sophistication to your two perfectly round peachy balls. As for color, I’d personally recommend the dark Christmas ginger as base, you know, to match the seasonal theme, but add just a few highlights of ocean blue on the right side to balance the leftward positioned penis. And to finish up, I’d like to recommend the new vanilla chocolate flavored conditioner to be applied and massaged thoroughly to ensure an even softer texture. Now how does that all sound?
Mike: oh you do know me well, you clever tasty little toasted bread. Would you do me yourself?
Peter: yes without doubt. I wouldn’t trust anyone else for your buttery spongy humpy tushy.
Mike: oh stop it. Really? Stop it. Really? Stop it……
Peter: and not only that, if you sign up for our latest baby-soft tushy moisturizing steam today, we’ll make photocopies of your new pubic style for free, which you could send as holiday cards to friends, families and business associates during this special season.
Mike: that’s brilliant idea, you yummy spicy curry pudding! How many copies can you make?
Peter: as many as you want, you loving savory multi-layered Wellington steak.
Mike: I’d like to make 8000 copies please, my sexy petite pinky-toe-like biscuit.
Peter: 8000 copies. My Goodness. Did you just say 8000 copies, you wicked cute chubby bear?
Mike: yes please if that’s not too much trouble for you, my yum yum potato chip. You see, I’ve been invited to many charity auctions these days because of the thing.
Peter: oh what the hell, for you, anything, my darling young cauliflower-decorated chicken wrap. Now strip off, shall we?
Mike took off his trousers……
fading out…..
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